i wish i could pay rent with salami

so you are one of the select few in the city that is a bona fide new york times four star and michelin rated three star chef.

so its your birthday. so you have a ridiculous french accent. 

so you decide to throw a bash in your lounge. so you're going to keep your employees for an extra four hours without gratuity or overtime to wine and dine a hundred of your closest fancy friends with equally ridiculous accents.

so i scored more than fitty bucks worth of house cured salami and murrary's cheese. plus lemon macaroons and a platter of organic baby veg in a basil puree that make my panties moist. 

they're fucking lucky that deep down inside, i am just a big ol' fat kid. 

happy barfday fancy pants chef de blah blah.